Mirrored Loneliness
by lalalatala
Summary: Post Conquerer of Shamballa. Edward and Winry are now apart, and how will they live without each other? What will their love lead them to do? Stand-Alone Sequel to Noticing.
1. Gone

**Hey! Welcome to my newest fic, ****Mirrored Loneliness****. I'm super excited to write something like this because I was disappointed with the end of Conqueror of Shamballa, so now I guess I can fix that! **

**Okay so I was actually planning to publish this ages ago, but I hit tons of walls while writing this and ended up getting writers block, so sorry. At least it's here now!**

**This is a sequel to the fanfic Noticing that I wrote, but I wrote this so that you can read this without having read Noticing. The most important part of Noticing that you would need to know is that Edward loves Winry and tells her that he has to first get Al's body back, and then he can be with her forever. **

**Well, that's just about all that I have to say, so please read and review! I hope you like this!**

Winry hurried down to the underground city to the find the portal Ed and all those big ships had come through. Edward had just gone through it, but Winry wasn't planning on spending any more time without him. She could go through it as well and join him on the other side. She knew now that wherever the portal led, it wasn't to death, and if it led to Edward, she didn't mind where it would take her.

Winry rounded the final corner and stopped. Mustang was standing in front of the portal with his back to her. _What is he doing? Does he want to go through too?_ She wondered. As she watched, Mustang slowly raised his right hand, the one with the glove. Winry stared at it for a second before she suddenly realized exactly what he was planning to do.

"NO!" Winry shouted and ran straight at him. Mustang turned to look at her but didn't lower his hand, so he could still snap his fingers and destroy the portal. Winry sprinted as fast as she could, knowing that this was her only chance to ever see Edward again.

It seemed like an eternity, but eventually Winry reached Mustang. Without stopping, she crashed into him and brought him to the ground, but not before she heard the fatal snap. Flames burst up all around them, and Winry watched helplessly as her dreams burned around her.

"What have you done?" she screamed at Mustang. Anger at him burned inside Winry as strongly as the fire all around her.

He looked up at her, and she saw guilt but also determination on his face. It made her feel angrier then ever. _Who is he to split me from Edward? _Winry thought. _He always has to ruin my life, take away the ones I love._

"I had to, to save our world."

"But Ed-Ed is gone, he's in there." Winry grabbed onto his jacket. _Why is he not getting this? _She thought desperately.

"I know, but I had to do this. To save everyone."

Winry stared at him in shock. She didn't even know what to do. She felt helpless that she had lost Edward again, and angry at the man who ruined her life not just once, but twice. Wanting him to feel pain like she felt then, she screamed, "What, like you had to kill my parents to save everyone? You didn't need to kill them, and you didn't need to lock Edward away."

At the mention of Winry's parents, Mustang looked like he felt pain much stronger then any physical hurt. His suffering, though, fueled Winry's anger. _How is it that he feels like that now? He killed my parents, murdered them, and now he feels regret?_

Mustang looked up into Winry's eyes and said the last thing she was expecting to hear. "Edward told me to. He's breaking the gate from the other side."

Winry froze and dropped Mustang. "He left with no plan to ever come back? He knew this, chose this, and still left without me, without Al?"

Mustang picked himself up and added, "Al went with him."

_He cared more about Al then about me, _was Winry's first thought. Then suddenly she noticed what that meant. _He'll never come back. He can't ever come back. He's gone. He's gone. _Her anger at Mustang melted away, and suddenly she felt numb, like she had just gotten hurt, badly, but she couldn't feel the pain yet. The first thing that hit her was the fact that he decided to leave her, that the man she loved didn't love her anymore. She began to cry, and with the tears came the pain. _He doesn't love me, and I'll never be with him again. I'm alone_. This thought made the tears flow harder, until Roy's face was completely blurred out. Winry had never felt so alone and complete despair filled her mind as she saw the dark future ahead of her. _What will I do?_ She thought, and she searched her mind for choices for the future, and the bleakness of each one fueled her tears.

She didn't know how long she sat there, crying, but when the tears finally stopped, Winry noticed that Riza and Sheska were with sitting next to her on the ground.

"Winry, are you okay?" Sheska asked cautiously.

Winry had no answer to that question. She didn't exactly feel better, but at least she finally had a plan about the future. _It may be a bleak future,_ she though grimly, _but at least I have one._

"I'll survive." She answered simply.

"Would you like to go to the hospital?" Riza asked.

Winry shook her head. "I'd like to go the train station. I need to go home."

Sheska and Riza traded glances. "I think it'd be better if you stay in Central for a while." Riza said.

"For what? There's nothing here for me, and he won't…" Winry couldn't bring herself to say it out loud, but the others seemed to understand her urgency to leave.

"Very well then. Would you like us to come with you back to Risembool?" Riza asked.

"No, I'll be fine. Thank you." Winry got up and started walking off from where she came from. Riza and Sheska followed at a distance. Once she got outside, Winry noticed that it was raining down from a bleak grey sky. She raised her head up to the rain, letting it disguise her tears, before she walked on towards a home that from now on would be empty to her. She felt emptiness inside of her, a space in her heart that she knew Edward would have filled somehow.

"Winry?" Riza had caught up with her, and Winry knew Riza could see her tears. "Are you sure that you want to leave?"

"I have to," answered Winry, and she kept on walking. _I have to live, _she thought, _somehow. Even in this loneliness, I must keep on going. _Winry cast one last look at the sky, and sent out a silent message: _I miss you, and I will always love you_. She then looked down at her feet and walked on, knowing that the hole she now carried in her heart would be there forever.

Edward hesitated over the lever. He could see the wires leading up to the gate, where he and Al had attached some crude detonators he and his brother had made from spare parts of rockets and some rocket fuel they had found in the big warehouse. Now, all that he had to do was push this lever and the gate would blow up and be destroyed. But Ed couldn't bring himself to do it.

"Um, Ed? Is there something wrong?" Al spoke to Ed from behind.

"No, nothing's wrong. Just give me a second." Ed grinded his teeth together and leaned forward to push the lever, but once again he hesitated. In his mind he saw Winry, saw the life he could have with her, of them getting married and having lots of children and growing old together. He couldn't do it, couldn't bring himself to push that lever and destroy his future.

_I have to_, something inside Ed said, and he knew that it was true, that he couldn't let innocent people die just because of what he wanted. But even so, Winry's face was all that he could see, and he knew that doing this would hurt her. _But what if she's one of the people who die due to my mistakes? Or if someone else that someone loves dies thanks to what I do? _Edward asked himself, and he had no answer. He needed to protect her, protect everyone, even if that meant sacrificing some things, like a future or happiness. _I have to do this, _Ed thought, and before he could hesitate more, he pushed down the lever.

Ed watched as the roof exploded, broke into pieces, and rained down onto the ground. When the dust cleared, the gate was gone, leaving a hole of empty sky in its place.

"Okay, let's move Alphonse's body out of here." Al was taking charge behind him, but Ed didn't move. He stared up into the empty sky, feeling very alone, as if he was the only person alive. Edward had always thought he would go back through the gate somehow and spend the rest of his life in Risembool with Winry and Al. Now instead he was sentenced to a life of roamed a foreign land without a home, without Winry.

"Ed, you coming?" Al called to him, breaking his thoughts.

_No use to think of what might have been._ Ed told himself, but even as he did so he felt a hole inside him, one Edward knew Winry would have filled up. He took one last look up at the sky before he ran to help his brother carry Alphonse, knowing that the hole he now carried in his heart would be there forever.

**So, what did you think? Okay, here is the deal… I'm (still) stuck writing this fic, so any suggestions you might have for what for me to do next would be totally awesome! If not, I might just leave this as a one-shot cause of idea issues, so review if you want me to continue, or if you don't, then tell me why! Even if you hated it, please review so I can fix it, just please do constructive criticism! So please review and help me improve! Hopefully, I'll be able to fix the issues thanks to my reviewers and be able to update this soon.**


	2. Six Months Later

**Hey! So I know it's been months since I updated this, and I'm SUPER sorry! Between plot issues and school it took me ages to finish this, but I finally have ideas so I updated this! I'd like to thank the people who reviewed the last chapter, Devon Marie Darling, AnimeCookie93, whatsername4, the girl with big head, anonymousninja, BornOnTheBreakOfDawn, Brigette Janine, Tsubasafan101 Arisato, Half-HeartedShadow, and Wanna be Alchemist! Thanks so much for reviewing and for all your comments and suggestions! You guys helped me continue writing this story! Also, I'd like to thank the people who favorited or alerted this story. And lastly (and then it'll be the story, I promise) thanks to AnimeCookie93 for beta-ing this story! Your ideas inspired me! Okay everyone, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or anything related. T-T**

Edward was walking along a road surrounded by green fields. It was a sunny, beautiful day, with barely a cloud in the sky. As Ed walked, he suddenly saw a yellow house on the top of a hill. He broke into a smile and, like he had done when he was a kid with no worries, ran up the hill to the house. Before he reached it, the door of the house opened and Winry stepped out. Edward ran into her arms and kissed her, beaming. Winry smiled at him, but as she did so, it became dark and the gate appeared right behind her. Its black tentacles reached out and grabbed onto Winry and dragged her through. Edward reached out for Winry but he couldn't stretch far enough to reach her. He jumped in after her, but once he was inside the gate, he couldn't see her anymore. He looked back through the gate and he saw her on the other side, on the porch once again. Edward ran towards her, but as he did the gate began to swing shut.

"NO! WINRY!" Edward cried, but it was too late, and he could feel himself being dragged backwards by the tentacles and-

"Ed! Ed! Wake up!" Edward's eyes flew open and he saw Al. _It was just a dream._ He thought, but then he looked around and remembered where he was, and added, _but in a way, it's just like reality._

"Are you okay?" Al asked, looking worried.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Ed looked at the clock on the wall, which told him it was 4:45 in the morning. He asked Al, "Why are you awake?"

"You were screaming in your sleep again." Ed saw the worry written on his little brother's face. _How much did I say?_ Ed wondered, hoping that he hadn't screamed out Winry's name.

Ed's fears were proven true, though, when Al said quietly, "You miss her, brother, don't you."

Ed turned away from Al and ignored his statement. Instead, he said, "Go back to sleep, Al."

Ed heard Al lay back down on his bed. Ed tried to get comfortable, but he knew that he wouldn't sleep anymore. It had been six months since he had left his own world with Al, but it often felt like much longer. Everywhere he went, Ed would see Winry, and the smallest things would remind him of her. The worst, though, were the dreams. Every time he dreamt that he would be back with her, and every time he believed it, and every time he felt the same gut-wrenching pain when he lost her once again.

Edward missed his home, a lot more then he had expected or would ever admit. Before, Ed had missed it, and while it was better with Al here with him, at the same time it was worse. Back then Ed had hoped, at least subconsciously, that somehow he would get back home. Now that Ed had decided himself to never go back, though, he missed it so much more. _I guess deciding I'll never go back made it final._ Edward thought sadly.

_It isn't even like I'm helping much in this world, _he added. While his plan to help save this world had sounded good, acting it out was much harder then he had planned. With no alchemy powers and little money, Al and him couldn't really do much in this world. They had hunted down the uranium bomb and destroyed it, but then they didn't really know what to do. In the end, Ed had decided for them to go to London. Ed had found a job helping a university professor in his research, which paid enough so that they could get by and rent a small apartment, and Al was able to attend school. While it helped them survive, it was a far cry from what Ed had imagined when he had sacrificed his future. He didn't want to complain or whine about his choices, but he wished that he could go back home.

Ed sighed and got up. Thinking about his home wouldn't make his life here any easier, and he wouldn't fall asleep again anyways.

"Where are you going brother?" Al called Ed, sitting up behind him.

"I'm going to take a walk. I'll be back for breakfast."

"Okay." Al seemed to sense Ed needed time alone and he lay back down again.

Ed grabbed some clothes from the wardrobe and got changed quickly in the bathroom. He then walked out of the flat, down the stairs, and out the main door of the building. He and Al didn't live in the best part of town, and many of the buildings, theirs included, had seen better days. They were all a uniform brown caused by age, and many had a few broken windows. Scattered among these buildings were mounds of rubble that had still not been cleared up after the attack on Britain during World War I. This mounds of rubble had been added onto until they became trash heaps.

Ed turned and headed out towards the grocery store automatically. It was early enough that the streets were still empty, but there were a few people hurrying about already, and soon enough the streets would be full of people and cars.

Trying to avoid thinking more about his home, Ed focused on his surroundings. Al enjoyed trying to recognize people they had once seen in Amestris, but Ed didn't, as it just reminded him more of the home he had lost. Instead, Ed focused on the buildings and streets that he walked on, and let the people around him become a blur.

Ed walked for a while, taking a path that twisted and turned so that he would be able to get back home quickly. He was so focused on his surroundings he barely noticed that it was steadily growing brighter, and that the streets were growing steadily fuller. He was studying a building across the street when all of a sudden he ran into someone. He steadied himself and looked up to say the customary apologies when he suddenly froze. Looking back at him was the face of someone he had never expected to see in this world.

Winry sighed and turned to stare out the window. She felt uncomfortable being in a train. It reminded her way too much of him and the times they had either been travelling together or she had been travelling to see him. Now, it was just a painful reminder of what had once been.

She was, though, thankful for the uncomfortable seats. They kept her awake when she would have normally slept. Winry was very tired, having not slept in a while, and not slept well in months. She would have been glad to rest her eyes and to leave the train carriage full of memories for a few hours, except the dreams were much worse than any real memory. A few of them were simply dreams of what could have been, but those at least she could deal with. The worst dreams were the ones where he told her he didn't love her and would leave, laughing at her, or where he would be dying, and she could do nothing to save him. These dreams left Winry shaken and made her fell, if anything, more tired. They were enough to convince her to avoid sleep at much as she could.

She sighed again as she thought of her truly pitiful existence, having to dodge sleep to avoid confronting pain. She had never expected to become so dependent on one person that she couldn't function normally without him, yet here she was. She had planned to try to forget about him and simply live out her life, without love, but at least with some sort of purpose. She hadn't wanted him to ruin her life, and though she had known she would not be able to live a complete life without him, she had thought she could put it behind her and try to live. But automail, the one thing she had planned to focus on for the rest of her life, no longer held the appeal it once had for her, and she mostly worked to do something, and because her old self would have done so. Sometimes she was able to forget about him and get some joy in her work, but it couldn't completely keep him out of her thoughts. Even though she avoided speaking of him since he had left, and even though she always averted her gaze whenever she walked by the pictures hanging on the wall at home, he was always on her mind.

This is why she had agreed when Granny suggested that she should go study automail in Rush Valley. She hoped that, once she wasn't surrounded by memories, she would be able to focus on automail and try to forget about him once and for all. Hopefully she would get her thoughts back to herself and she would begin to take more joy in her work than she could at home.

The bad news was that Pinako bought Winry tickets to Rush Valley the long way, so Winry had to stop at Central for a day on her way there. Winry had a feeling that her grandmother hadn't done this on accident, and as the train got closer she couldn't help get more and more worried that Granny hadn't kept Winry's stopover a secret. Winry was apprehensive enough about going to yet another place Ed frequented, and having to visit people who knew him would just make it worse, and would make it harder to forget about him and move on. Also, both of her friends in Central had seen her break down after he left, so they knew how important he was to her, and exactly how devastated she was when he left. She didn't want to have to face anyone who knew that. It made the whole thing more real.

Winry was broken out of her reverie by a train whistle, and moments later a voice came through a loudspeaker.

"Ladies and Gentlemen. We are now approaching Central Station. Please take all your baggage with you when you leave the train."

Winry got up and stretched before grabbing her suitcase from the rack above her seat. She put on her hat and then made her way out of the compartment into the hallway, which was already full of people. Once the train stopped moving, Winry pushed her way through the small crowd towards the door and stepped out onto the platform. Once out of the way of the steady stream of people, Winry paused for a moment, enjoying the fresh air and looking around for somewhere to sit down and see just whom Granny had decided she would meet with. Winry found an empty bench easily but could not see anyone she knew in the crowds around her. Winry sat down on the bench with a relieved sigh. _Maybe Granny didn't send me here on purpose after all,_ she thought. _Of course, that means I have to find somewhere to stay at tonight._

Winry stood up again and looking around, trying to find the information desk that would hopefully be able to direct her to a nearby hotel. She didn't notice that a person walked up behind her until they spoke, making her jump.

"Hello Winry, It's been a while, hasn't it?"

**Two cliffhangers, you guys must really hate me!**

**Please review and tell me what you think, even if you hated it! Flames are welcome, so is constructive criticism (and if you wanna tell me how awesome your day was, I welcome that too). Just please review, I promise I will keep this story up and update more often if I get interest in it, so please review! Hope you liked enjoyed this!**


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